


Report cards

by Zoya113



Category: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: Gen, Implied background Paulkins, Negative Self Talk, This is like a better version of a fic I wrote months ago, idk how college works, internalised self hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-18 07:27:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21790597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoya113/pseuds/Zoya113
Summary: Emma finds it hard to listen to reason when she thinks she’s done badly
Relationships: Emma Perkins & Henry Hidgens
Comments: 9
Kudos: 51





	Report cards

**Author's Note:**

> Lmao guess who got their exam results back & needs to project to feel better about themselves oop catch me leaking my ATAR in the form of musical fan fiction

Emma held her breath as she walked in through the front door, hunching her back like it would help her stay out of site. 

Jane was sitting on the couch in between her parents, showing them her report card. It was probably perfect. 

Emma froze for a moment, planning out a way to sneak down to her bedroom, but it was impossible to get through the hallway without passing the living room. She decided to just walk as quickly as she could, maybe they wouldn’t stop her if she turned the corner before they could react. 

“Emma,” her father called her over, seeing her standing in the doorway. “Where’s your report card?” 

Emma blinked, her hands rubbing the straps of her backpack. “My what?” 

“Your report,” her mother repeated. “We’re looking at Jane’s now. Come show us yours.” 

“Oh uh, mines not in yet. I think the older grades got theirs first. Maybe I’ll get mine tomorrow,” she told them, starting to walk. 

“Huh? Well Stacy’s sister got her report card today,” Jane thought she was being helpful. 

“Oh! Report card? Is that what you’re saying?” She backtracked. “Yeah I’ve got mine. But I’m really tired after school, I just need to have a lay down real quick. Maybe after dinner,” she tried to turn the hallway but her dad grabbed her collar. 

“You always try to stall it. Come sit down and show us.” He pulled her bag off her back without any warning, bending her arm the wrong way. 

“Hey!” She tried to grab back at it. “Dad, mum, I haven’t seen it yet, I didn’t want to look at it until later!” She had a solid idea of what it said though. 

“Well you can go lie down then and we’ll look at it,” her father shooed her off. 

“Dad!” She tried to come up with another excuse. “Can’t you just wait for me to open it?” 

He eased back down on the couch, Jane’s report card on his knee as he tore open the packaging. “Nope. We’re doing this now. You can either sit down or go take a nap.” 

The latter was the next best option if it was going to be inevitable. She darted off to her room, baiting her breath as she leant against the shut door, just listening. 

When she heard him stomping down the hall she jumped away from the door, grabbing a pillow off her bed and clutching it to her chest for protection. 

“Emma!” The door swung open, almost clipping her shoulder. “What is this?” He waved the report sheet in her face.

“I don’t know! I never read it!” She tried to defend herself. “I don’t know!” 

“Emma, you’re an idiot sometimes! What did you even do this year? Did you even try?” He stuck the sheet into her hands. “You swore to me you’d get one B this year, Emma, where is it?” 

She tried to grab the paper from him just to scan it and try and come up with a defence, but his fists were shaking with anger or frustration, and hers were quivering from fear. Neither of them could hold the paper and eventually it drifted to the floor. 

“I tried this year, dad! I really did my best!” 

Her father hadn’t let her take any classes she wanted in her senior year. No theatre, no arts, no music, they would all drag down her scores. She had to do science and math and all the classes she was awful at, and it only made her grades worse than before. 

“Well clearly you didn’t! Emma, what do I tell my friends when they see Jane’s report card next to yours?”

“You don’t have to show your friends our grades!” She snapped, leaning down to snatch the paper off the floor.

He shoved a hand into the pillow she was still clutching close to her chest, and pushed her back down onto her bed. “Why are you so hopeless Emma!? You’re an idiot, sometimes!” He ripped it back from her hands, scrunching it up and shoving it into his back pocket. 

Emma’s face scrunched up as she tried not to cry. She really had tried her best. She had gone to after school tutoring, tried for extra credit, actually studied. She wasn’t stupid, she just having a hard time. 

“You better start making an effort, Emma. Or else!”

———————————————————

Ever since she saw her grades she had been feeling dizzy. She received 78% on her last test. It wasn’t awful, it was better than anything she used to get, but she wasn’t like that anymore. She was such a high scorer in Hidgens’ class, this was so out of the blue. And she couldn’t even hide that grade from him because he was the one who gave it to her!

She asked Nora if she could come in and work for an hour or two just to get away from everyone, and she was graciously allowed it. 

She didn’t want to go home to Paul right away, because he knew she was getting results today and he would probably be way too congratulatory and excitable for her current mood. But could she look Hidgens in the eyes right now? She just felt like she had let herself down. 

She walked home from work slowly, pausing at the turn off. She could go home to Paul but she really needed a moment alone and their house wasn’t big enough for privacy. If she started purposely seeking out a place to hide he would know something was wrong, and she just didn’t want to talk about it yet. 

And she knew she sounded ridiculous. By no means was what she got a bad score. But she hated it. And so it was off to Hidgens. She could come in through the front door and he would be in the lab, he wouldn’t even notice her come in. She could hide in her room for another hour or two to let everything wash over. 

Except when she got there, Hidgens wasn’t in the lab. He was in the kitchen and looked up with a gasp as she entered. 

“Emma! I didn’t know you were coming over!” He smiled. “Would you like something to eat? I’m chopping up some carrot, come and have a snack.” 

Emma waved a hand at it. “No thanks, Professor. I didn’t think you’d be out of the lab, I was going to go lay down,” she pointed her thumb over her shoulder at the staircase. 

“Oh! Alright then, will you be staying for dinner?” 

She shook her head. “I’ll be back home for dinner. I just thought I could come here to chill out for a little, is that all good?”

He blinked once before staring at her, not sure what question to ask first. “Of course, dear.” 

She hurried up the stairs, skipping over the one with the creak in the floorboard. Once she was behind closed doors she let out a troubled sigh and slunk over to her bed. 

She kicked up the sheets to slide under them, not bothering to turn on the lights. 

Her grade wouldn’t effect her forever, but she had to work past that fright. Hidgens was probably a little disappointed in that score, it was shitty and out of character. 

That’s probably what that pause was in his speech. He was probably wondering what the hell she was doing showing her face here right now. 

She had thought she had done really well, she had told Hidgens she had killed it. But he knew the truth, he knew how badly she had messed up and he still let her go around saying that? 

She gripped at her pillow, pulling at the case with her nails. They were both idiots. 

She let out a loud yet muffled growl into her pillow just to release some of the bottled up anger and distress swirling about in her guts. 

“Emma dear?” Her door slowly opened following a gentle knock. 

Emma pulled back the sheets down to her nose just so she could see out. 

Hidgens was standing awkwardly in the doorway, looking down at her. “I brought you some carrot, Emma.” He came to sit at the foot of her bed, sliding a small plate up towards her pillow. 

She sat up so she could hold onto it, shoving one of the carrot sticks into her mouth so she could bite down on something. “Thank you, Hidgens.” She kept her shoulders hunched and her eyes on the plate. She knew he had come to talk. She didn’t cover up her sigh, ready to accept a light scolding that she should have studied harder, and that if she wasn’t sure about a topic she should have just asked. 

“What’s wrong, Emma?” He put a hand on her back, rubbing it up and down. 

“Sorry,” she let her shoulders fall. “I thought I did better.”

“At what, dear?”

She looked at him out of the corner of her eye. “Y’know.” 

“Ah, this is about your test,” he realised. Hidgens shuffled up closer so his hand could reach her shoulder and draw her in. 

“Ugh. I’m sorry, man. I did study, it was just a bad day for me and I didn’t know I did so shittily.” 

“Emma,” he took a firmer tone with her and she was certain this was where the scolding was going to come in. “You didn’t do badly.”

“Yes I did! That’s like a C+! It’s not even a B and I almost always get A’s!” She snapped, wishing he would just understand it. 

“Grades don’t matter, Emma!” 

“I know they don’t!” Despite the plate of food in front of her she took to biting down on her knuckles instead. 

“Hey,” he took her hand in his to get her to stop, handing her another carrot stick instead. “No one thinks you’ve done badly except yourself,” he nudged her, trying to get in a word while she chewed at her food. 

“I know that, but they matter to me! It’s just really important to me that I put effort into this course, and I’ve been doing so well lately so what went wrong? Where did I mess up?” 

“No, no. You didn’t do that. Nonsense.” He elbowed her in an attempt to be playful, but she wasn’t smiling yet. “Emma, there was a lot of content to study and it was a very hard test,” he tried to comfort her. 

“No, no, no!” She thumped a fist into her mattress, putting her plate aside. “Yes it was hard, but that’s never stopped me before!”

He frowned, picking up her plate to put it on the bedside table before she spilt everything on her sheets. “Learning is all about growing, Emma. People make mistakes all the time.” 

“But in school all your mistakes add up to whether or not you can actually pass and it’s just, ugh.” She rested her head down on her knees in defeat. She knew it really didn’t matter, she just wanted him to sympathise with her.   
He could tell her she didn’t do bad all he liked, but she wasn’t planning on changing her mind. “What was the top score, Hidgens?” 

He patted her shoulder, clearing his throat but hesitating. “As a professor, I’m not really supposed to do this,” he started, earning Emma’s attention. “It was a hard test, Emma. The highest was only 89%. How does that make you feel?” 

She shook her head, growling through her gritted teeth. “Professor, I’m just a goddamn idiot, man! I tried so hard on this and nothing happened!” She raised her head up to glare at him, one arm flying out and knocking up against the wall. 

“Uh, no, Emma.” He didn’t want her talking about herself like that. “Dear. Don’t speak about yourself so poorly! You can’t say those things about yourself.” 

Emma gave a frustrated scream. “Hidgens! No, just tell me I’m an idiot man!” That was easier than accepting his kindness. “I practically failed that test! What happened? Why did I slip so much? I thought I understood it all so well!” Her voice cracked like she was about to cry. “It’s because I’m fucking dumb! I’m a fucking dumbass!” Her voice was distorted with anger and disappointment that she just wished he would show too. She knew from experience that getting forgiveness was easier than working through the guilt. 

“Alright, no more of that!” He huffed, his grip growing firm on her shoulder. “Why would you think that about yourself? It’s not fair on you if you tried that hard!” 

Emma whined, clasping her hands together and keeping her head down so she didn’t have to look at the frustration in his eyes. 

“Are you calling anyone else who scored lower than you an idiot too?” He questioned. 

She shook her head. “No. That’s different.”

“In what way?”

“Because they probably all tried their hardest! I just didn’t try enough!”

He rolled his eyes, reaching out to grab her plate of carrots and shoving them back to her. “Emma, eat your carrots and think about what you’re saying.” At least if she was eating she couldn’t beat herself up so much. 

Begrudgingly, she took a very small bite out of another carrot stick, chewing at it in little bites like a squirrel.

“Emma you aren’t your grades. I don’t even think this was a low moment for you. There were seven people in class who didn’t even pass this test. You were still one of the highest scorers, you didn’t do nearly as bad as you think you did. I’m still proud of you!” He took her plate back to the bedside table considering she didn’t seem to want to eat much else. “I know during the test week you were working shifts back to back. You were tired, you had a lot going on. I don’t think anyone else in class could get a score like this if they had to work as hard as you!” 

She gave a very small nod, no longer rejecting the touch of his hand on her back. She slowly uncrossed her arms. “Do you really think so or are you just saying that?”

“Really, Emma! I really mean it!”

“So I’m not a dumbass?” 

“No, Emma. Who would call you that?” He shuffled closer to her. “Certainly not me.” 

She shrugged and shook her head. “No one, I guess.” 

“Exactly,” he lightly tapped a finger to her nose just to get her to giggle. “I don’t know where you get these thoughts from sometimes, Emma.” 

Emma wiped her eyes. “I’m a little harsh on myself sometimes.” 

“You’ve just noticed?” He joked. “Come on Emma. Finish off those carrots and I’ll take you back home to Paul and tell him all about how great you did on the test, alright?” 

Emma nodded, mumbling her gratitude as she slipped out from underneath her blankets to give Hidgens a big hug. “Thanks, Professor.” 

“Don’t even mention it, my dear.” 

“Sometimes I can’t be nice to myself,” she admitted. 

He nodded, stroking her hair. “And that’s why I’m here to be nice for you, my dearest.”

**Author's Note:**

> Fjjsjfb I’m hoping people know what I mean but in my writing Emma lives w Paul but has a bedroom @ Hidgens from when she used to stay with him


End file.
